Anthony's Blog

New Update

2005-11-17T00:48:00.000-05:00

Well I have been on the Cymbalta for long enough and it’s not not working for the pain. Going to the Pain Dr on Thursday and asking for an increase on my Avinza. Not many more options for me, I had so much hope for the Cymbalta.

Due to pain politics he probably won’t get an increase even though I’ve been on this dose for 15 months. Now I have pain in my upper neck area which is sharp and my ROM is bad.

What is need is an entire set of artificial disks and I’ll be ok but that’s not an option. At least not in the near future.Will let you know what happens.

TO PEOPLE WITHOUT CHRONIC PAIN

2005-10-21T02:13:00.000-04:00

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand. These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me... Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me-- stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too. Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!¨ I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", concentrating, "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what chronic pain does to you. „ Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or Oh, come on, I know you can do this!¡¨ If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are--to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it¨ may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder..." Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine.Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression. Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone. If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor. If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general. In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out... Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able. I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.

A Fine Sunday

2005-10-16T12:21:00.000-04:00

And I'm inside on the couch and I would love to get out and do things.To get some exercise , play tennis , go to flea market,take a hike in the woods. Don't know how I keep myself together and keep from going crazy. Pain,,sleep ,eat,take meds,lay on couch and watch Tv if I feel like it, that's about what I do.

Morning

2005-09-25T11:52:00.000-04:00

Just a typical Sunday morning here, not much sleep last night. Woke up a hundred times and seemed to be awake more than asleep.
Anyone ever bought pharmacy drugs online ? I am looking for my Cymbalta since I can't find a Dr. who will write a script.The prices really vary and you can get generics that aren't even available here yet.

Pain Sucks

2005-09-23T19:53:00.000-04:00

Pain Sucks
have not been going well. My Cymbalta which was helping with the pain is no longer working and I cannot get anyone to increase the dosage.This sure does suck. It's hard not to think about the pain since it is basically all over. Moves from my lower back to neck, legs and arms always ache and hands are numb.Don't see how I can keep this up much longer, my quality of life has dropped down to a 2 and I stay on the couch most of the day

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=cheekwa

2005-09-22T08:17:00.000-04:00

The Hell Down South

2005-09-01T15:18:00.000-04:00

I feel so sorry for those millions of people without their homes from the hurricane. Seems like the goverment is not acting fast enough and things are gonns geta lot worse down there I fear.

WeII the cat got out of the hat

2005-09-01T15:02:00.000-04:00

Everyone knows about my suicidal thoughts now in my family and things have gotten pretty weird. Mom calls and crying and I don't think she really knows what to say but I love you and I am past the point of tears where the pain has hardened my heart to others feelings.I don't want any of you guys compassion for me. Just an understanding of what the chronic patient goes through in life with their spouse,family,Doctor and the DEA which is screwing us over and society in general.

Understanding Chronic Pain

2005-08-25T09:10:00.000-04:00

Pain is a universal and yet intensely personal experience. It is the invisible scourge that cannot be adequately explained to those around us; it is the constant companion that accompanies us in a thronging crowd or in the quietness of a cloistered bedroom. As pain becomes prolonged and persistent, our ability to cope with it seems to break down. We come to feel helpless, lonely, anxious, depressed and even angry. We get frustrated when others cannot understand our pain and we become annoyed when they tell us that they empathize with us. How can I deal with this pain? How do I make it stop? The poignant words of patient Job of old come to mind, "Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved; and if I refrain, it does not go away." (Book of Job 16:6)
Feeling Pain
The first difficult lesson to grasp is that pain is natural. It is the response of the body to both external (exogenous) and internal (endogenous) events, signalling us to danger or caution, providing us with a survival mechanism and allowing us to respond to injury. One way to understand the mechanism of pain is to view pain as messages descending from the higher brain or ascending to the extremities of the body through a massive highway of nerve fibres. These nerves converge at a "gate" (actually, a series of gates) where the spinal cord joins the brain. Like a "bottleneck" at peak traffic, pain messages crowd in with other messages gathered by the body waiting for a chance to get through. As a result, some messages are received and others don't get through at all.
This system vastly affects our perception of pain. People suffering from chronic pain feel their pain more acutely during the night hours when they are trying to sleep than in the day. This is because the number of competing messages arriving at the "gate" at night is usually far less than in the day. As a result, many more pain messages get sent through. Acupuncture works partially on the principle of sending competing messages to the brain by exciting nerve centres directly.
Is It All In My Head?
...we are not ourselves When nature, being oppressed, commands the mind To suffer with the body. Shakespeare, King Lear
We've all heard it before: "It's in your head." The truth is that all chronic pain has both the physiological and psychological components. The diagnostic problem is to assess the relative contribution of these components on your experience of pain. Nevertheless, there is a persistent tendency to ignore or deny the psychological component of pain because of either fear or misinformation.
The term psychogenic pain has been used to describe the experience of pain where the psychological component is predominant, and where the source is not readily observable, or where the experience of pain may exceed the physical injury. Experiencing psychogenic pain, however, does not mean that pain does not exist. In fact, chronic pain very often induces psychological factors.
What Chronic Pain Does
Consider some of the more devastating psychological effects of chronic pain:
1. Loss of mobility. Chronic pain and suicide ideation have been shown to be strongly related. However, recent research shows that chronic pain is usually a secondary cause of suicide ideation. One of the chief intermediary factors is the severe effect that chronic pain has on limiting mobility. Being unable to move around comfortably, constantly being constrained by pain, being unable to enjoy normal sexual relations with one's spouse or carrying one's children without fear of injury leaves a damaging mark on the sufferer's emotions.
2. Depression. Patients with depression are also heightened in their perception of pain, and will very often be reluctant to carry out treatment modules provided to them for fear of encountering more pain. The combination of immobility and depression leads to irritability, nervousness (or anxiety) and an unhealthy desire for isolation. Marital conflicts develop and escalate. As depression sets in, chronic pain patients tend to become more angry, easily frustrated, often moody, and plagued with feelings of hopelessness.
3. Misperceptions. Sufferers of chronic pain often misperceive the degree of recovery they achieve with therapy. Some underestimate their recovery and become progressively inactive, often avoiding pain altogether. They fail to distinguish hurt from harm, and shrink away from treatment that may bring about some degree of pain. Others tend to overestimate their recovery, often injuring themselves repeatedly by carrying out tasks too difficult for them.
4. Sleep Disturbances . Chronic pain also influences the amount of sleep the patient is able to get. Difficulty falling asleep and early night awakenings both contribute to progressive depression, lethargy, and poor memory (especially vigilance tasks). The last effect, that is, the decline in vigilance due to sleep loss often presents other problems, such as proneness to accidents.
5. Medications. Medications that limit the effect of pain may also produce nagging side-effects such as gastro-intestinal problems or excessive sleepiness that create further irritation. In addition, some patients become dependent on pain killers to sleep or function through the day. Although there is evidence that narcotic drugs prescribed to chronic pain patients do not produce physical dependencies, these dependencies are often not biochemical but psychological. In addition, the patient may develop a tolerance to pain medications that are consistently prescribed.
6. Anxiety. Pain may feature in anxiety disorders because of increased muscle tension or spasms. Tension headaches, post-infarct precordial pain and other pain syndromes affecting the musculoskeletal system may occur. Patients injured in motor-vehicle accidents often suffer from flashbacks of the accident, frequent nightmares, fear of driving or crossing the street, and extreme anxiety when returning to the site of the accident.
Finding Help
Without psychotherapy and professional counselling, the psychological impact of chronic pain deepens. Often, attempts at physical therapy are hindered by a combination of depression, anxiety, anger, insomnia, fears of further injury or else continuous reinjury, irritability, isolation, hopelessness, and seeking more and more medication for pain. The simple joys of life become a hardship. The poet, Alexander Pope put it this way:
You purchase pain with all that joy can give,And die of nothing but a rage to live.
Yet, there is help. Research on limiting chronic pain goes on. Surgeons, physicians, and chiropractors continually make gains in treating chronic pain. Methods for symptomatic relief of pain such as acupuncture and hypnosis have been under much investigation. It should be noted that hypnosis has not been well established as a means of relieving chronic pain. Typically, it acts as a means of relaxation therapy which is not hypnosis but a type of behavioral therapy.
Psychotherapy aimed at ameliorating the effects of chronic pain are largely of a type known as "cognitive behavioral therapy". Such therapy is effective in dealing with depression and anxiety that results from chronic pain, and correcting associated problems such as sleep disturbances, inability to relax, social isolation, dependency on medications, and poor eating habits. Where sexual, familial or marital problems are present, psychotherapy would need to address issues of communication and conflict. Virgina Woolf once wrote, "The merest schoolgirl when she falls in love has [great writers and poets] to speak her mind for her, but let a sufferer try to describe his pain to a doctor and the language at once runs dry."
Make contact. Find help. The suffering that comes from chronic pain does not need to shut the door to emotional health.
God shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.Revelation 21:4
Please note that the articles above are for general information only, and are not meant to suggest diagnosis or treatment.Author: Dr. T. Quek

The woman with the dark eyes

2005-08-24T15:02:00.000-04:00

Maybe she was the female grim reaper coming for me. She looked like one of those gothic types.
Do you guys really think I look that crazy??????? That not Me LOL

To the Pain Doctor today

2005-08-24T14:13:00.000-04:00

Had
to get a shot in my neck to help with the pain in my elbow like funny bone pain ?? I hope It works. Had a strange event at the counter. One of the girls in the looked to be speaking to me and it looked liked she said you need to die,. I asked her what ?? And what ?? she was working. The girl up front said she was new.Weird I am going to tryto call tomorrow.

How my body has changed

2005-08-18T11:50:00.000-04:00

Since I've gotten sick with my back. My nerves are pinched in the neck and they cause pain in all the nerves in my arms and with that they sort of slowly die off and get weaker. For example: I have to ask my 12 year old daughter to screw off a water bottle cap. My arms feel like they have cables in them and want to draw up. My right arm feel like I constantly hit my funnybone.

I need medication for just about every function . I take testosterone for libido and viagra for "you no" I ordered the Mexican generic and be careful with it. It's made for Superman.

Questions

2005-08-18T11:40:00.000-04:00

Hey quys I can just blab and blab but I really do know a lot about what I have and if any of you have any questions just click on the email link. I would be very happy to help

A meeting with the Therapist

2005-08-18T11:31:00.000-04:00

Went to the Therapist yesterday and we talked about my depression. She feels that I am still suicidal and should see the Dr. to change my medication.
I disagree with that cause I already am on a anti-depressant. I told her about the blog deal. She thought that was a great Idea and asked where it was. I just gave her general details.

The Meds Keep Changing,

2005-08-16T14:12:00.000-04:00

Last week at the shrink at the VA she gave me some Valium to help me sleep at night. It seems what she gave done the job. She did not ask about my mental condition at all, even though I told her I had a setback after the Cymbalta stopped working. I told her that pain control was just a side effect with CYmbalta and thats why nobody has experienced any long term relief.
I hope they continue to work with that drug, it has hopes. I have Morphine running through my veins and I still have so much pain that I lay down most of the time a nd the pain distracts me so much I can't even watch tv.

A Busy Day

2005-08-14T23:34:00.000-04:00

Today was my daughters 8th birthday party and it was quit a day. She has a lot of fun. I somehow managed to make it through the the day. My wife worked the grill, the kids did most of the cleaning up.I feel so guilty most of the time thay I cannot do the things that I want to. People look at me and they say "you don't look sick" and I just don't don't know what to say to that. My family knows about me and I am on social security disability and did not have to fight hard to get it.
Right now the pain is moderate in my neck and upper back with a stinging pain in the middle. Also numbing pains in both arms and hands. Lower in the L5-S1 area has some sharp pain now.

Morning all

2005-08-13T09:56:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to let everone know of my condition. I have problems with my Neck, upper back and lower back. I have DDD or degenerative disc disease in most of the disc with several buldges and spinal cord compressions and scoliosis. It also affects the nerves in my legs and a lot in my arms. I've had surgery for carpal/ cupital tunnel which helped a little but the other arm is much worse. Both hands/arms are in pain and getting weak.
Surgery has not been an option for me since I have so many affected levels . I am on medication right now but on low doses.

Hello All

2005-08-13T01:04:00.000-04:00

And welcome to my blog . This is a place where I will post my feelings and thoughts and happenings in my days of living in chronic pain. I will post when I can so be patient with me.Thanks